Jingles
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Perry is only slightly excited about the holidays until Phineas's mindwipe wears off, and he remembers the second dimension. Perry is finally able to secretly communicate with the boys.
1. Chapter 1

"These things lie."

"It's just a fortune."

"It's lying, Pinky. It says I am going to journey to a far-away land."

"Maybe you will one day."

"The last thing I need is to be relocated just because a stupid cookie predicted it." Perry tossed his fortune cookie back into a bowl on the table and turned the fortune over in his hands. "What's this?"  
"Your lucky number should be on the back."

Perry looked up at the ceiling. "Of course."

"What?" Pinky asked.

"It says thirteen."

"Seriously?"

Perry handed him the fortune.

"Wow. It does. Well, these things aren't always true."

"So you admit it, then."

Pinky sighed. "Fine, the fortune lied."

"The fortune AND the cookie lied. They lied together. I chose the cookie and it GAVE me the lying fortune that was inside of it. Therefore, the cookie is guilty by association. The cookie is a liar."

"That's probably the first time anyone has accused a cookie of being guilty by association. Are you going to eat that, by the way?" Pinky pointed at the cookie, which lay broken in the bowl.

"No. They taste weird."

"Okay. So, what are you doing for Christmas?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like, what are you doing to celebrate? Are you going to the O.W.C.A party again, or…"

"I am not going back there. Monogram ate Frosty's nose."

"…Or are you celebrating with your family?"

"The second one. Phineas and Ferb like it when I'm home."

Pinky looked confused for a moment. Then he nodded. "Oh. Okay."

"Why'd you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Take too long to respond?"

"It doesn't matter how long I take to respond."

"Your brain had to register something there for a second. Which means I said something weird."

"Well…" Pinky poked at his tofu with a chopstick. "By your family… I didn't really mean Phineas and Ferb."

"My other family? Pinky, my mother and my sibs don't even know what Christmas is. To them, it's just another sunshiney day. If you don't believe me, ask my brother Pablo what he's doing on the twenty-fifth. I'm ninety-nine percent sure he'll say he's going to be eating pancakies."

"Not them either."  
Perry thought for a minute. "Doofenshmirtz? I hate to break it to you, Pinky, but he and I aren't really related."

"Your… other family. You know… Pal and stuff."

"Oh, right. Them. Nah, I'm just gonna be at home."

"Why?"  
"Call me insane, but I much prefer hanging out with the boys than looking after a juvenile delinquent."

"Maybe Pal's calmed down since the last time you saw him."

"The older he gets, the more dangerous he becomes." Perry cracked open another fortune cookie. "You tend to frighten away tourists. Oh great, now the fortunes are just insulting me."

* * *

"Agent P, is this your letter?"

Perry turned around in his chair to face Monogram, who was waving a piece of paper in the air.

Perry nodded.

"It's a very good letter. But I'm afraid your penmanship is still a little off." Monogram whipped out a red pen and laid the letter down on a desk. "You see, that O there is much too ovaley. It needs to be more circley. And the end of this H needs to be closer to the beginning…"

Perry sighed.

"There. That's better." Monogram held up the letter again. "I see this is a request to take a day off to shop for presents? I'll see if I can approve it later."

The phone rang. Monogram thrust the letter into Perry's hand and rushed to answer it.

Perry looked at his letter. Almost every word had red pen streaks across it. Nothing was ever good enough for Monogram.

"I… I can try to… I mean, I will. I will. Okay." Monogram hung up. "Well, Perry, it turns out I can approve that shopping request after all. It was actually very well-written, by the way. You could probably make it into a novel."

Perry raised an eyebrow.

"Um… I need a favor."

Perry smirked. So that's what all of that random flattery was about.

"A friend of mine, who works with animal television, lost his lead for his dishwashing detergent commercial and… ah… he thought you would be perfect. So, I'll get Agent R to fill in for you today… if you do it."

Perry folded his arms.

"Would you do it if I also threw in a free coffee mug?"

Perry stood up and shook Monogram's hand.

"Thank you. Thank you. I'll call him back."

* * *

"Okay, so all I need you to do is say 'I used Bubbly-Wubbly detergent'. It's amazing, right? No, YOU'RE amazing." Director Morris handed Perry a bottle of Bubbly-Wubbly detergent. "Go on now, honey."

Perry walked onto the set. No way was he saying "Bubbly" and "Wubbly" in the same sentence.

"AAAANNND- ACTION!" Said Morris.

A white cat sprang onto the set. She smiled at the camera and did a little spin.

"CUT!" Morris said. "Caterina, honey, why are you dancing?"

Caterina shrugged.

"Okay, honey, never mind. Go on back. Let's try that again. And ACTION!"

Caterina went over to the counter on the set and picked up a shimmering glass. "Dear, how did you get these dishes so clean and shiny?"

"I bought new ones!" Perry said.

A few animals who had been watching started to laugh.

"CUT!" Morris shook his head. "Honey, that's not your line."

"How does he know what I'm saying?" Perry whispered to Caterina.

"He's animal-obsessed. He's studied practically every animal sound in the world and knows what they all mean." Caterina explained.

"Let's try it again." Morris said. "ACTION!"

"Dear, how did you get these dishes so clean and shiny?" Caterina asked.

"I used this stuff." Perry half-heartedly held up the detergent bottle.

Caterina looked over at Morris, who was frowning. "And… what's it called?" She asked.

Morris smiled and gave Perry an encouraging nod.  
Perry looked at the front of the bottle. "I dunno. I suddenly lost my eyesight. Would you mind reading it for me?"

Morris sighed. "CUT. Honey, if you don't want to say the name of the detergent, we'll edit it in later. No need to add in all that."

* * *

"That's so cool you're in a commercial!" Devon the dog said.

Perry, Devon and Pinky were all staring at Perry's phone.

The phone screen showed a fake kitchen, with Perry standing next to a dishwasher. Caterina pranced in and picked up a glass.

"Dear, how did you get these dishes so clean and shiny?"

"I bought new ones!"

A picture of the detergent appeared on the screen.

"Never buy a new dish again! Buy Bubbly-Wubbly dish detergent! Washes so clean, you'll think it's a whole new dish!"

"All ad-libbed." Perry said proudly. "Unfortunately, it isn't as funny, now that they put in that whole thing at the end."

"Bubbly-Wubbly!" Devon burst into laughter. "I bet they named it that so they can have a good laugh anytime someone asks to buy it!"

"Speaking of buying stuff, I'm going Christmas shopping tomorrow." Perry switched off his phone. "Either of you want to come with?"

"Can't. Poofenplotz schemes on random days of the week, and tomorrow is one of them." Pinky said. "I have to fight her again."

"She creeps me out." Devon said. "I'll go with."

"To fight Poofenplotz?" Pinky asked.

"NOOO. To go shopping." Devon held up his hands and backed away from Pinky. "I'm not going anywhere near that crazy lady."

"I have a list of people to shop for." Perry pulled a long piece of paper out of his fur pocket. "Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Monogram, Carl, Doofenshmirtz, you two, Agent C, Agent B, Agent D, Agent L, Agent W, Agent E, Agent A, Agent T…"

"I'm dizzy." Devon said.

"Maybe you should just get all the agents a piece of chocolate or something." Pinky said.

"Where's the fun in that? I have to get them stuff that is their thing."

"How do you know what that is? You don't even KNOW Agent L."

"Of course I do. His name's Leo, right?"  
"Agent Liz is a GIRL."

"Right. Well, I'll get all that information later." Perry stuffed his list back in his pocket.


	2. Chapter 2

Perry looked at his list. "Okay, so I got almond brittle and a Broadway Hits CD for Doofenshmirtz, a 'Best Intern' mug for Carl… and now I only have twenty people left to shop for… on THIS side of the list."  
"You don't have to get everyone a present." Devon said. "I'm only shopping for Monogram, you, Darren, Pinky and my dad. That's about it."  
Perry slammed his palm against his forehead. "I forgot to put Magdalena the mongoose on the list."

"Magdalena? I've never even heard of a Magdalena."

"She's in the agency. She lives in Hawaii."

"Did you ever meet her?"

"No, but Terry's friend's father's cousin's mother-in-law's cousin-once-removed did."

"Then you don't have to shop for her." Devon grabbed Perry's list and crossed off a few names. "There you go."

"Huh. That's considerably better. Thanks."

"No problem. What are you getting Monogram?"

"A framed picture of himself. He'll love it."

"That's true. I wonder why I didn't think of that."

"HALT! We're going in that store." Perry pointed at "Musical Musicalness Of Pure Musicalocity".

"Why?"

"For Ferb. The kid loves music. I just need to get him an instrument he doesn't already have."

"How do you give it to him without… well, blowing your cover?"

"I put the presents from me on the doorstep, signed 'anonymous'. The first year I did it, Linda called the police, but they told her that the gifts weren't harmful. So now they're always happy to get gifts from their 'unknown friend'."

"You don't sign the gifts like that, do you? Because that sounds creepy."

"No. I told you, I sign them 'anonymous'."

"Okay. You shop around in there. I'll stay out here."

"You should come in."

"No thanks. I have melophobia. Fear of musical instruments."

"Seriously? Okay then…"

Perry was in and out of the store in record time, dragging out a huge xylophone. "Got him a marimba. I bet he doesn't already have that."

Devon appeared to be shaking a little. "How on earth are you going to hide that from him?"

"Let's work on how I'm going to drag it around the mall first. Can you push it?"

Devon shook his head. "I don't want to touch it… it scares me…"

"I should have gone shopping with Peter. He doesn't have weird phobias." Perry got behind the marimba and gave it a shove.

It lazily screeched a few feet across the floor of the Googleplex Mall.

A man dressed as a huge piano stood outside of the store. He gave Perry a confused look.

"Can I just leave this here and come back for it?" Perry asked.

When the man's expression didn't change, Perry scribbled the words down on a post-it note, sticking it on the marimba.

The piano man gave him a thumbs-up.

"All right, Dev. Let's move on." Perry picked up his bags and went on, Devon following closely behind.

"We should go into the Bathroom Emporium." Devon said.

"Why?"

"I'm getting Monogram a toilet plunger."

"Again, WHY?"

"He's always complaining about how he doesn't have a good plunger."

"Dev, you don't get someone a toilet plunger for Christmas. Christmas presents are supposed to say 'I'm thinking of you'. NOT 'Now you can stop your toilet from overflowing'."

"I don't get it. Why are you such a genius when it comes to Christmas presents? Hey, a pet store. We can probably get a lot of stuff for our comrades in there."

"Think they have any canned worms?" Perry asked.

"I hope not. Let's go look at the puppies. I love puppies. They're so cute."

Perry followed Devon into the store. Devon looked at a miniature pinscher in a cage.

"Aren't you a little cutie?" He said.

"Today is a magical day." Said the puppy. "It is another day with sun. I sawed it out the window."

Devon sighed. "I forget how mindless they are. All right, what should I get for Darren? Do you see any duck treats he might like?"

"No, but this toy mouse is great for Carrie." Perry took one off of the shelf. "There's little chance a cat would be scared of a mouse."  
"I don't know. That cat's pretty much terrified of everything. OH. MY. GOSH."

"What?" Perry turned around.

"No, don't look. I found the perfect thing for you!"

Perry covered his eyes. "A can of worms?"

"No."

"A can of bugs?"

"No. And stop guessing!"

"You got me a can of bugs. Admit it."

"No. You can look now."

* * *

Devon placed his findings on the store counter. The sales woman rang them up.

"That'll be thirty dollars and sixty-seven cents." She said.

Devon slammed his paw down on the counter. "Twenty dollars. No more."

"What are you doing?" Perry asked, standing behind him.

"Haggling. I read about it in a book."

"Devon, people don't actually haggle unless they're buying a used boat or a car or something."

The sales woman looked confused. "Is something the matter?"

Devon sighed and reached into his fur pocket, pulling out thirty-one dollars. He handed them to the lady.

The lady smiled. "Thank you so much for shopping at Pet Paradise. Buh-bye!"

"Sure. Rub in the fact that I had a haggle-fail." Devon growled. He picked up his packages and stormed away.

Perry struggled to lift the giant stuffed panda toy he had found for Peter onto the counter. The only thing he knew about Peter the panda was that he liked dismantling things, but it was hard to find a present based on that knowledge.

"Are you going to be able to carry that?" The sales lady asked.

"First the marimba, now the two-ton panda." Perry heaved the panda over the side of the counter. It flopped over.

* * *

"Are we done yet?" Devon asked.

"Not quite. I still have to find something for Phineas."

"What did you get Candace?"

"A new phone. To make up for the time when Palmer ate hers."

"What if someone already gets her a phone?"

"She loses phones like every two seconds. As soon as I find Phineas something, we can pick up the panda and the marimba and head home."

"How are we going to fit all of this on your scooter?"

Perry thought for a moment. Then he pulled out his phone.

"Calling a cab?"

"Nah."

* * *

Doofenshmirtz had been sitting on his couch, watching the Uncovery Channel when the phone rang.

He picked it up. "Hellooo?"

"Gnakakkakakaka."

"Perry the platypus, is that you?"

Another chatter.

"Look, I don't know why you bothered to call me. If this is about work, you don't have to come in today. I haven't built an inator, I've been too busy doing…" Doofenshmirtz turned off the television. "Other, very important things."

A series of chatters.

"I can't understand a word you're saying."

Perry made a noise that Doofenshmirtz suspected was a cross between a snort and a sigh.

"Look, why don't you text me or something? It's easier." Doofenshmirtz hung up and turned the TV back on. He knew Perry wouldn't text him unless he needed to.

His cell phone buzzed in his pocket. Doofenshmirtz took it out and looked at the screen.

GIANT PANDA & MARIMBA & OTHR STFF. ONLY HVE SCTR. PLZ BRNG TRUCK 2 GOOGLPLX MLL.

"Stff? What's a stff?" Doofenshmirtz muttered to himself. "OH. Stuff. He really needs to work on his spelling."

* * *

"You didn't find the thing for Phineas." Devon said as they loaded Perry's scooter onto the bed of Doofenshmirtz's truck.

"I'll get him something later. I'll know the perfect gift when I see it."

Doofenshmirtz closed the bed. "Devon the dog? I haven't seen you in years."

Devon shrugged.

"Yes, you left me. You exchanged me for a new nemesis. Don't think I've forgiven you for that. I'm evil, so I can hold a grudge if I want."

Devon turned to Perry. "So he's driving us back?"

"Yep. Is that okay?"

"I guess. Do you trust him?"

"He may be my nemesis, Dev, but he's not completely evil. Get in."

* * *

When Pinky came into Perry's lair, Perry was lying on the floor, packages and bags surrounding him. Devon was rubbing his back.

"Full day of shopping, huh?" Pinky said.

"Everything is sore." Perry mumbled. "So very sore."

"We must have been in that mall for at least eight hours." Devon said.

"You got quite a haul." Pinky said. He picked up a paddleball that was on the floor.

"Aw, I forgot to hide that." Devon shook his head. "That was for you. Happy early Christmas… anyways."

"Awesome! I love these things." Pinky bounced the ball against the paddle. "I'm pretty good with them, too. Did you hear Monogram's brother Frank is in town for Christmas?"

"No." Devon said. "What's Frank like? Did you meet him?"

"No, but Darren told me Monogram's been trying really hard to impress him. Shouldn't be hard. Not every human's the lead of a secret agent organization." Pinky held the paddleball sideways as he played with it.

"Do my shoulders." Perry murmured. Devon adjusted his paws.

"As you can see, I've trained elite animal agents." Monogram opened the door to the lair.

Monogram stared at the three agents. Pinky waved at him, still playing with the paddleball. Perry looked up at him drowsily.

"These are your elites?" Frank asked.

"Never seen them before." Monogram said quickly. "They must be Wanda's agents."

"I'm one of Wanda's agents!" Pinky yapped.

Monogram closed the door.

"Guess we're not going to get introduced." Devon said.

"He should give us a break." Pinky said. "Just because you're giving him a massage and I'm playing with a paddleball… oh. Maybe Monogram was expecting something more professional when he opened the door."

"Ya think?" Perry smiled at him.

"My hands are getting tired." Devon said.

"Don't stop."

"When can I stop?"  
"When I want you to."

"When's that?"  
"I don't know. Keep going."

Pinky squinted at one of the presents. "Who's the xylophone for?"

"The marimba? That's for Ferb."

"Where's he going to put it?"

"Who knows. He'll figure something out."  
Alan the alligator poked his head in the room. "Guess what, guys? Carl made lunch for everyone! By accident, of course. He made too much macaroni and cheese."

"LUNCH!" Devon jumped up and ran out of the room.

"I DIDN'T TELL YOU TO STOP." Perry called after him.

"When there's free mac-and-cheese at stake, other business must wait." Pinky said.

"Good point."


	3. Chapter 3

Perry knocked on the door of the old garage with the seven-legged pony drawn on the front.

His son Palmer opened it. He gave Perry a skeptical look. "So you suddenly decided to visit?"

"I come bearing gifts."

"Why?"

"Because you need Christmas presents, don't you?"

"It's not Christmas yet."

"I'm delivering them. I didn't say you had to open them yet."

Baby Pamela came out from behind Palmer. "Blurb." She said.

Palmer shrugged. "Okay. Come in."

Perry followed him into the living room. A small tree sat in the middle. A cardboard star had been put on the top.

"That's a sad tree." Perry said.

"My grandpa Pepper picked it out." Palmer said. "Its color reminded him of a magical bush he saw once."

"Okay then." Perry put his bag of gifts on the ground. "So, these are all labeled to each of you… I'll see you around."

"You can't go." Palmer said. "You just got here."

"Stay a sec." Poppy came out of the kitchen, carrying some Christmas lights. "Don't you want to see these go up on the tree sprig?"

"So it's a little small…" Perry began.

"Small? It's a midget tree!" Palmer was unscrewing a light bulb from a lamp. "Pam's almost bigger than it!"

"Blurb!" Said Pamela. She chomped down on one of the tree branches.

"I could get you guys a bigger one." Perry offered. "And maybe something that actually qualifies as a star."

"Don't worry about it." Poppy put the lights on the top of the tree without even reaching up. "You shouldn't have to overwork yourself. You get crabby."

"I didn't say I'd have to work extra hours."

"Are you going to rob a bank or something?"

"I have money, Poppy."

"Don't spend it all on us."

"Spend it all on us!" Palmer said, throwing the lightbulb across the room. It slammed against the wall and broke into many tiny pieces.

"Pal…" Poppy warned.

"EXPLODING LIGHTBULB!" Palmer said. He burst into laughter.

"I'll get you a tree." Perry said. "Do you want a certain color?"

"Orange with yellow polka-dots." Said Palmer.

"Green." Said Poppy. "But don't worry about it if you can't get it."

"I want you guys to have a good tree."

"Thanks." Poppy smiled at him.

"Are you going to come here for Christmas?" Palmer asked.

"I…"  
"It's my first one." Palmer jumped down from the couch. "And Pamela's, too. We're going to celebrate by pouring chocolate syrup into the bathtub and EAT IT ALL! CHOCO PARTY!"

"Chawco paw-tee!" Said Pamela, spinning in a circle.

"Palmer, you can't pour chocolate syrup in the bathtub." Poppy said.

Palmer opened his mouth.

"OR squirt it on the walls. End of discussion."  
Palmer closed his mouth and sulked.

"You're always welcome here." Poppy said, looking back at Perry. "Sometimes I think you forget that."

"I've been busy."  
"But you won't be busy on Christmas, right?" Palmer asked.

"I don't know. I might. I'll for sure come by Christmas Eve, okay?"  
Palmer picked up Pamela. "Come on, Pam! Let's play Pamela Slingshot!"

"YEAAAYYY!" Said Pamela.

"Should you be monitoring that?" Perry asked.

Poppy shook her head. "All he does is run around with a goofy hat on his head and have Pamela chase him. I have no idea why he calls it Pamela Slingshot."

The sound of glass breaking could be heard from the other room.

"I'll be right back." Poppy dropped the ornament she was holding and ran down the hall.

"It's fine, I can let myself out." Perry went over to the door.

A big cow was drawn on this side of the door. An elephant was riding it. The cow had a blond wig.

"My name is Pete." Said a speech bubble drawn next to the cow's mouth.

Perry stared at Pete for a moment, then pushed the door open. He walked out into the snow.

Great. Now he felt guilty.

* * *

"Someone's fedora was found in the bathroom." Agent B said. He was standing on a chair, holding up a hat. "Do any of you know who it belongs to?"

"I think I might know!" Billy the beaver said. "It looks kind of familiar!"

"That's because everyone wears one." Perry reminded him.

Billy looked sad. "Oh. Right. I forgot."

"To repeat," Brandon said. "Does anyone know whose this is?"

Perry ignored him. He sat down on the floor and looked at his videophone to see what time it was.

At ten, Phineas and Linda would go shopping together. Candace and Ferb weren't going because Linda and Phineas were shopping for them.

That was when Perry planned to secretly put the lights on the tree. Phineas and Ferb loved putting the ornaments on, but they always complained about the lights.

He'd have to get home soon.

* * *

Perry had learned something new. He did not like burrs.

Phineas was holding him over the trash can, while Ferb tried to pull the prickly thorns out of his foot with tweezers.

Perry squirmed in Phineas' grasp.

"Hold still, boy. We'll get them out." Phineas said.

Stepping in the thorns hurt, but so did getting them out. Perry wondered what would happen if he just left them in his foot. It would probably work, so long as he didn't use that foot.

"Where do we even have these plants?" Ferb asked.

"I think our weird neighbors plant them in their garden. Perry probably went over there."

"The same neighbors who throw corn dogs into our yard?"

"Yes, those same neighbors. I hope they move soon."

Perry snorted in pain as Ferb pulled out a thorn that had been very deeply wedged in his paw.

"Careful, Ferb. Don't hurt him."

"Are you ready to go, Phineas?" Linda asked, coming into the kitchen.

"Almost. Perry stepped in the neighbor's thorns- er, I mean, 'plants'."

"Poor thing. I'll be waiting by the door." Linda left.

"Just two more." Phineas called after her.

Perry struggled to free himself. He wanted to get the burrs out himself. He could bite them out. That was what wild platypuses did when they had burrs.

"Hold him sti-" Ferb began.

"Perry! Behave yourself!" Phineas snapped.

Perry responded. He went deadweight.

"Great, now he's getting heavy. Hurry."  
Ferb plucked the last two thorns out and threw them away.

Phineas put Perry down on the floor. Perry shook himself off and sat on Phineas's shoe.

"I'll see you when I get back." Phineas told Ferb. "Bye, Perry!"

He patted Perry on the head and pulled his foot out from underneath him. Then he and Ferb left the room.

As soon as Perry heard the front door close, he pulled out his videophone and called Darren the duck.

"You want to help me spruce up the tree?"

"You just made a pun."  
"I know. I did that on purpose. Still willing to help?"

"Sure, I'll be right over."

* * *

Perry hopped over to Darren when he came through the petflap. He was tangled up in lights shaped like snowmen.

"What… happened?" Darren said.

"That's the funny thing. It happened in between getting the lights out of the box and putting them on the tree."

"What? What happened?"

"I got tangled in the lights."

"I see that. But how?"

"No idea. Can you free me?"

Darren yanked on an end of the lights. They fell onto the floor.

"Thanks." Perry said. "Now we can tie up the tree with the lights."  
As they worked, Darren started telling Perry a story. Perry wasn't really following it, mostly because he wasn't listening. He didn't really see the importance of whatever Darren was yapping about.

"And then she was all up in his face, so then he just totally lost it and snapped at her. I couldn't believe it. That kid is usually so chill. But Dinah can provoke people, that's just the way she is. Not like Trish. She lets people push her around all the time. It drives me insane. Pinky says that's because she's insecure, but oh man. She is so gullible."

"Uh huh." Perry plugged the lights in. The tree shimmered to life.

"Dinah's still a sweetheart. But I couldn't believe she'd get on Phineas like that."  
Perry snapped to attention. "What? MY Phineas?"  
"Of course YOUR Phineas. What Phineas did you think I'd been talking about all this time?"

"Who's Dinah? What did she say to him?"  
"Dinah's my owner. Her little sister's Trish. I explained all of this when I started talking. Gosh, haven't you been listening?"

"Well, ah. No. But what happened?"

"They were down at the park, and she literally ran into him. He apologized, she didn't, and started yelling at him for not looking where he was going. He tried to calm her down, tried to help her pick up the stuff she dropped, but she wouldn't be calmed. She told him that if he was going to stay in the park, he had better give her space. She's a hothead. That's the only thing I hate about her."

"And Phineas lost it?"

"Totally. He was staring into space for a moment, then he just started jabbering insults. He told her that if she didn't want him to help her, then he didn't care. Then he said something really weird. He said 'If you really are part of my family, you would let me help you'. Then he shook himself off, like he'd been in a dream, and then just ran off."

Perry froze.

"The thing that threw me was that 'Part of my family' thing. He and Dinah aren't related. And they certainly aren't even friends. I'd never heard that weirdness come out of his mouth before."

"I have." Perry said quietly.

"What?"

"His mindwipe is wearing off. It happens when too many reminders of a blocked time come at once."

"You mean, he's remembering that time when you guys were all stuck in that other dimension?"

"Yeah. And that's the bad part. He had another memory wipe afterward, so he would forget that time he helped us with the rogues. He remembered THAT in a dream, but then didn't think anything of it. If he's remembering back to that summer…" Perry sighed.  
"I didn't mean to upset you." Darren said. "But, just so you know, memorywipes do tend to wear off only a little. They never fully go away until something big strikes them. Like with your dad, for instance."

Perry nodded. "I shouldn't worry. But I do. I don't want him to have to go through all that a third time."

"Understandable." Darren said.

"And keep your snappy owner away from him. No one messes with Phineas."

"Maybe our families aren't supposed to get along. We didn't get along at first."

"YOU didn't get along with ME. I got along fine with you." Perry smiled. "Hand me that ornament."


	4. Chapter 4

Perry sat on Phineas' lap.

They were watching a holiday movie. It was called "Gingershoes and Mistletoe save Christmas".

Or something like that.

"Come on, Holly! We have to get to Santa's Workshop as quickly as we can!"

"Okay, Gingershoes! But how can we get there without a magical sleigh?"

"Arf arf!"

"Good idea, Mistletoe! Let's ask our snowflake friends for help!"

If the purpose of the movie was to entertain people, it was failing miserably. Perry tried his best not to fall asleep.

"We had a dog once." Phineas said, pointing at Mistletoe on the screen. "His name was Bucky."

Perry kept quiet. He'd known about Bucky, but Phineas never talked about him.

"He was a good dog. He would always greet me when I came home and I could ride him around the house with Ferb. And then one day he got sick and went to live on Old Man Simmons' farm. But the farm's gone now. I miss him sometimes."

Perry felt something claw him in his stomach. Was he not as good a pet as Bucky was?

"Then we got you." Phineas said. "And I was happy again." He touched Perry's collar, flipping open the locket that served as his tag.

He stared at the pictures inside for a moment, then closed it again. "Homing device." He muttered.

Perry looked up at him in fear.

Phineas smiled back at him. "I'm glad you're here. You're the best pet a boy could ever ask for." He gave Perry a hug.

Perry beamed.

"Look, Mistletoe, someone is at Santa's door already!"

"What if their names were Gingertoe and Mistleshoes?" Perry chirped.

Phineas patted him. "I'll never get tired of hearing that sound."

"Oh my gosh! It's singing star Kendrine Adems!" Said Gingershoes.

"Awesome!" Said Phineas.

"NO!" Perry buried his head underneath the blanket Phineas had around him.

"Sing us a song, Kendrine!" Said Holly.

"Yeah!" Said Gingershoes. "Sing!"

"Well, okay." Kendrine said. "Oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh!"

"MY EARS. THEY ARE PARALYZED." Perry howled.

"Hush, Perry. I want to hear the song." Phineas said.

"Oh yeah, uh huh, oh yeah, uh huh!"

Perry slammed his tail against the side of the couch.

* * *

"Look, Pinky, it's stuck on my arm."

"What is?"

"A Carlos sticker. I was waiting in line to mail a package and there was a mom and kid in front of me, and the kid was asking her mom to throw her sticker away for her over and over and over, and then the mom said 'Find somewhere else to put it for right now'. So then the kid turned around and stuck it on my arm."

"And it just so happened to be a sticker of Carlos the caring clown?"

"Yeah." Perry tugged on it a little and winced. "Maybe if I run hot water on it, it'll come off."  
Pinky pulled it off.

"OW! The whole point of the hot water removal idea was so I wouldn't die of pain!" Perry rubbed his arm. "Poor fur..."

"What do you want me to do with it?"

"Throw it away! Carlos must be destroyed! And next time I have a sticker on my arm, don't just assume I want you to YANK IT OFF along with all the fur underneath!"

"Sorry. I thought you wanted it off as quickly as possible."

"As quickly as PAINLESSLY possible. Is Isabella going to get Phineas a present this year?"

"Of course. She obsesses over it all month. What did you get him?"

"A pain-free bandage removal kit."

"I said I was sorry."

"There's no sorry. Anyway, I got him some interesting mechanics I found in Doofenshmirtz's basement. He loves to tinker with those things."  
"Doof let you have them?"

"Not for free, but yeah."

"That's nice of him."

"He gets really giving this time of year. I think it's all the hot chocolate he drinks. Makes his brain go loopy." Perry sniffed the air. "Is Carl baking cookies again?"

"Yep."

"I thought I smelled something burning."

"Remember when he exploded half of the O.W.C.A trying to make an ice cream sundae?" Pinky asked.

"Hoo boy. I remember. I was right there in the kitchen."

"Good times."

Perry nodded and smiled. "I got Carl a mug. He's always saying 'If I got a mug from an agent, that would make me feel professional'."

"That's sweet of you."

Perry sighed. "You know what I really want for Christmas?"

Pinky stared at him. "What?"

"To be able to have Phineas and Ferb… know me again. They know me, I mean… I just want to be able to interact with them. I don't want to have to act mindless with them."

"You're hard to shop for."

"Ha ha."

"No, I mean it. What do you like? The only thing I've seen you sort of like was a tennis ball you chewed up."

"I think I ate that eventually."

"You think?"

"I can't quite remember. I was only a baby."

"I want to get you something you'll like."

"I'll like anything so long as it doesn't have Carlos or Kendrine in the name."

* * *

"Guess what?" Linda said, putting some more packages under the tree. "Our anonymous gift-giver left these on the doorstep!"  
"Yay!" Said Phineas. "I kind of wish we knew who it was. Then we could get him something."

"Or her." Candace said.

Perry chattered. He jumped up on Candace's lap.

"EEW. Get down." Candace shoved him off.

Perry bit her skirt.

"PHINEAS!"

Phineas pulled Perry away. "Aw, Candace, he's only playing with you. Weren't you, Perry?"

Perry purred.

Phineas smiled and put his pet down on the couch.

"Should we decorate the house?" Linda asked.

"YEAH!" Phineas and Ferb ran after her to get the decorations.

Perry sat and stared at Candace.

Candace glared back at him. "What do you want?"

"World peace." Perry chirped. He lay down on the couch and closed his eyes.

"Fine, fall asleep. I need the couch, you know. I'm going to watch something."

Perry pretended to snore.

"I know you're not really asleep." Candace sat down next to him.

Perry's gum felt sore. He rubbed his jaw against Candace's leg.

"Stop it." Candace turned the TV on.

"Gingershoes, what if Santa can't hear us singing?"

"He will, Holly. Santa hears everything."

Perry rubbed his cheek with his paw.

"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas!" Sang the TV.

Finally, Perry's baby tooth came free. He spat it out onto Candace's lap.

Candace looked down. "EEEEEWWW! PHINEAS AND FERB! YOUR UGLY SMELLY PLATYPUS SPIT HIS TOOTH OUT ON MY SKIRT!"

Perry was proud. That was his tooth. He had lost another. He picked it up in his mouth and ran off to find Phineas.

Phineas and Ferb were sitting at the kitchen table, cutting intricate designs in paper snowflakes.

"Look, Ferb, mine's a pop-up!" Phineas said, holding up his snowflake so a snowman appeared.

"Mine's holographic." Ferb pushed a putton on the bottom of his snowflake, and an image of a running reindeer shimmered to life.

Perry put his paws on Ferb's lap and jumped up. He put his tooth down on the table.

"Aww, look, Ferb! Perry lost another tooth!"

Ferb clapped.

Perry beamed.

"I'll put it in your box." Phineas stuck the tooth in his pocket and resumed cutting. "Isn't it funny how slowly Perry loses his teeth, Ferb? Animals usually lose them pretty early on. The baby ones, I mean."

"Perry is special." Ferb said.

"What are you boys doing?" Linda asked, carrying some presents into the other room.

"Making electronic snowflakes." Phineas said.

"Such imaginations."

Perry yawned and stretched out in Ferb's lap. He closed his eyes.

Ferb petted him.

Perry was in a snowland, and Mistletoe the dog was doing ballet by some snow-covered trees. Gingershoes and Holly were standing nearby.

"We have to save Christmas!" Gingershoes said.

"We already saved it three times." Said Holly.

"So we'll save it again."

"Okay. I'm cool with that."

Perry walked past them. He found a small pond with baby teeth floating in them. Doofenshmirtz was fishing in it.

"Hello, Perry the platypus. Have you come to fish in Tooth Lake?"

Perry shook his head.

"All right then. You'll never believe what Rodney sent me last week. It was some internet card with some song about the Twelve Days of Christmas. Like, you know, ten lords a leaping. Who would get their girlfriend ten lords a leaping? Where is she going to store them all? In her basement? And won't the twelve drummers drumming keep her up all night? Not to mention the four calling birds. Or the three French hens. Those can be noisy. Oh, I got a bite."

Doofenshmirtz reeled in his line. At the end of it was a cow.

"My name is Pete." It said.

Doofenshmirtz stared at it for a moment, then released it back into the lake. "Not a good catch. It has to be bigger."

The lake was changing color to a deep blue. Doofenshmirtz was changing, too. Within seconds, he had morphed into Phineas.

Perry felt his movements slow, as though he were underwater.

Phineas wasn't saying anything. He just sat there, looking limp.

"Are you okay?" Perry asked.

Phineas nodded slowly. "Are you awake, Perry?"

Perry woke up on Ferb's lap with a snort.

"Is he awake?"

"Yep." Ferb patted Perry on the head.

Perry was shaking. The dream hadn't been scary, but it was the first time he'd ever been unable to move in a dream.

He hoped it didn't mean anything bad.

"All right." Phineas put a snowflake on the top of the snowflake pile. "We're done."

"Shall we hang them around the house?"

"We shall!"

Ferb put Perry in his pet bed and scooped up a handful of paper snowflakes. He and Phineas left the kitchen.

Perry cuddled his blanket. He was tired, but he didn't want to sleep yet.


	5. Chapter 5

Perry sat inside the Christmas tree. He liked sitting in there so that his face poked out of the branches.

It scared Candace. And scaring Candace was fun.

"Perry?" Phineas' voice was faint.

Perry chattered. He didn't want to get out of the tree.

Phineas came into the living room. "Oh, there you are… can we…" He looked around, and then sighed. "Can we talk?"  
Perry was confused.

"Look, I know, okay? I remember it all now. I know you're not really mindless and you're actually listening to me. Before you panic or run off or anything, I just want to talk."

Perry tried to calm his heart down. It was trying to jump out of his throat.

"Perry?"

Perry took a deep breath and focused his eyes on Phineas' face.

"Come on." Phineas pulled him out of the tree and set him on the ground. "Not here. Upstairs."  
Shaking a little, Perry followed Phineas up the stairs. When Monogram found out, he'd probably be mind-wiped again. Or Perry would be relocated. They wouldn't relocate him when they could just make the memories go away, would they?

Phineas opened the door to his room, allowing Perry inside first. Then he shut the door behind them and sat on his bed.

Perry sat on the floor.

"You… can sit up… like normal, if you want."  
Perry adjusted himself.

"I know why they took away our memories." Phineas said. "I remember all that, how you'd have to leave otherwise because Ferb and I knew too much. But it doesn't have to be like that. I can keep a secret. I swear I wouldn't tell anyone, not even Ferb, unless you wanted me to."

Perry shook his head.

"I know. Your boss. But he doesn't have to know. We won't tell him."

Perry gazed at Phineas with worry.

"Perry, I just want… I don't want to forget everything if I don't have to. That's why I'm saying he doesn't have to know."

"He… might find out."

"I can't understand you."

Perry frowned. Monogram probably wouldn't be able to find out, now that he thought about it. It wasn't like he put security cameras all over the house or anything.

"It can be a secret between us. I'll try to rig up a translator so that only I can hear what you're saying, if you want. We'll have a good time together, won't we?"

Perry smiled at him, still shaking a little. He hoped Monogram wouldn't find out. Monogram had no right to find out.

"Thanks, boy." Phineas gave him a huge hug.

"You can tell Ferb." Perry said. "But only Ferb. No one else."

"What does that mean? Maybe you can do charades or something. Are you cold? You're shivering."

Perry shook his head, allowing his tears to stream onto Phineas' shoulder.

He'd gotten what he wanted. And no one had to know.

* * *

"All right, try saying anything." Phineas stuck a small machine into his ear.

Perry hesitated, trying to think of something to say. He was glad that the translator didn't have to go anywhere on his own body, but that was kind of a stupid first thing to say to Phineas.

"Try saying 'Hi'." Phineas said.

"Hi."

"It works!" Phineas pumped his fist in the air.

Perry grinned.

"Anything you're itching to say?" Phineas asked.

"I hate Carlos."

"Who?"

"That stupid clown toy you keep buying. I hate him."

"Is that why you keep destroying him?"

"Yes."

"Gosh, I'm sorry, I had no idea-"

"It's fine. No worries. And you can tell Ferb."

"About Carlos?"

"About me. Everything. I want him to know."

"Okay." Phineas smiled. "Wow, this is awesome. I'm talking to my pet. Actually talking to my pet. We've talked before, but this is different."

"Best Christmas present ever, right?"

"Yes!" Phineas grabbed him up in a hug. "I love you, boy."

"I love you too."

* * *

"You look cheerful today." Pinky said.

Perry shrugged. "I guess. Maybe it's the cool weather."

"No, it's something different. You're radiant. Your happiness is leaking through your usual seriousness."

"It's that time of year, you know?"

"You never smile THIS much."

"He's smiling?" Peter the panda came over and peered at Perry. "Wow. He is. Does someone have a camera?"  
"It's not like I've never smiled before." Perry muttered.

"Aw, it's gone." Peter said.

"Awww." Said a few other agents who had been watching.

"Why so happy?" Pinky asked.

"I wish I could say, but I can't, so let's just say something really good happened."

"Another one?" Pinky practically bounced three feet from the floor. "Oh my gosh! Perry!" He shook his hand. "Congratulations!"

"What the…" Perry suddenly realized what Pinky was talking about. "No. Heck no. I'd be freaking out if that were the case."

"You didn't get another bonus?"

"Bonus? I thought you were talking about something else."

"What did you think I was talking about?"  
"Nothing. And I actually did get a bonus a couple of days ago."

"Lucky."

"Dude!" A raccoon appeared out of nowhere and shook Perry's hand. "I saw it, man, it was awesome."

"You saw me get my bonus?" Perry pulled his hand away.

"No, dude, I saw your huge fight on the internet. When you tipped that sandwich display case over on Doofenshmirtz, oh man. I almost like, died man. It was radical."

"That wasn't me."

"Don't be so modest!"

"No, seriously. I didn't even come in to work until after that fight."

"Come on, dude, that was totally you. I could see you, like, messing with his mind. I'm like blown away."

"Okay then."

"My name's Rocky. It's an honor to meet you."

"Uh. Thanks."

Rocky gave a wave and zoomed off after another agent.

"I've never seen him around before." Perry said.

"He's new." Pinky explained. "The reason he's not mindless is because both of his parents were agents. You know Agent R, Ralph the raccoon. He specializes in digging files out of garbage cans. Anyway, Rocky's his kid, and now he's here, acting totally obsessive over you."  
"Why me?"

"You're the model agent. You're the star." Pinky spun around. "You are the sole center of the O.W.C.A universe."

"Wonderful."  
"Where's that smile you had a few minutes ago?"

"It left when I found out I had an obsessive fan in my life."

* * *

"Which should we play?" Phineas asked. "The 'Kendrinealicious Christmas' album or the 'Sal Tuscany Christmas'?"

"Both bring back bad memories." Perry muttered. He had squished himself in between two packages under the tree.

"How can Christmas songs give you bad memories?"

"Sal Tuscany exploded the last time I played it."

"So Kendrine, then?"

"NO."

"You're picky." Phineas picked up "Ducky Momo Christmastime" and put it into the CD player.

The room was filled with the sound of Ducky Momo quacking "We wish you a Merry Christmas".

"Ferb, you got the rest of those presents wrapped up?"

"Coming."

"Is that Ducky Momo?" Candace burst into the room.

"As a matter of fact, it is." Phineas said. "You sure look happy."

Candace quickly switched back to her usual aggravated expression. "It's not like I would care about Ducky Momo or anything."

"Wasn't he your favorite toy when you were little?"

"Don't you have something better to do?" Candace stormed away.

Ferb entered with a bunch of packages in his arms.

Phineas looked embarrassed as he turned back to Perry. "We didn't really know what you wanted for Christmas. You know, because we don't really know you well enough yet."

"The annual worm patty is perfect."

"You deserve better. Give us a while to come up with something."

"Something better than worms? You can't invent something better than worms. Except maybe worms with chocolate syrup."

Phineas made a sick face.

"Everything is better with chocolate syrup." Ferb said.

Perry grinned at him.

"Maybe we could make you breakfast or something." Phineas said. "What's your favorite breakfast?"

"I don't know. Waffles?"

"With what?"

"With syrup. Waffles with no syrup are a crime against breakfast foods. And maybe eggs. And coffee."

"Ferb and I will make you breakfast, then. That will be one of our Christmas presents."

Ferb nodded.

"Of course, we can't let anyone see us…" Phineas thought for a moment. "I got it! We'll have it really early tomorrow. Like five or something. Candace doesn't get up until seven, and mom and dad get up at nine. So we'll be able to eat in peace, and your secret stays safe."

"Five?" Perry asked. "Even the birds are asleep at five."

"It'll be fun. Our first real breakfast all together."

"Early bird gets the worm." Ferb said.

"I don't want to talk about worms anymore." Phineas said.

"Breakfast would be good." Perry said. "Are you sure it can't be at ten?"

"There's a chance we could be seen. Actually, we WOULD be seen." Phineas said.

Perry sighed. "Okay. Five then."

Phineas smiled at Ferb. "We'll do it tomorrow. A breakfast present for you. But it won't be your only present, of course."

"Another present? That's a whole new can of worms." Ferb winked at Perry.

"You're making me sick, Ferb." Phineas said.

"You're making me hungry." Perry pulled himself out from under the tree. "Can you feed me now?"

"Can you feed him, Ferb? I don't think I can spoon out his food tonight."

"Have you been all wormed out?" Perry asked.

"He wormed himself out of feeding you." Ferb said.

Phineas turned up the CD player.

"Fine, we'll stop." Perry followed Ferb into the kitchen.

Ducky Momo blared in the background, quacking Jingle Bells.

"Quack quack quack, quack quack quack, quack quack quack quack quaaaaccckkkk!"

"Here you are." Ferb handed Perry his bowl. "One bowl chock-full of smashed-up worms and insects."

"I CAN HEAR YOU." Phineas said.

Perry started eating.


	6. Chapter 6

"Perry, wake up." Phineas shook his pet.

"Sleeping is fun." Perry mumbled. "It helps Perry."

"It's five! Ferb and I got everything set up. Come on!"

"Five is dark. Dark is for sleeping. Sleep is for Perry."

"Come on." Phineas picked him up and carried him downstairs.

"Darkness. Sleepy."

Phineas put Perry down in a kitchen chair with books stacked on it so that Perry could reach the table.

Perry nodded off, then jolted awake again. Ferb handed him a cup of coffee.

"I can't see it." Perry murmured. "What am I holding?"

"Coffee." Phineas said.

Perry took a sip. "Okay… Coming… back to life. You made this?"

"We used some of dad's Caramel Chocolicious coffee."  
Ferb was pouring batter into a waffle iron. He closed it and turned it over.

"The first time we tried to figure out how to use that thing, it splooshed all over the floor." Phineas said.

"It wasn't too much trouble, was it?"

"No. We found the instruction manual for it in the microwave."

"In the microwave?"

"Father puts things in odd places when he's distracted." Ferb said. He opened the iron and put a waffle on a plate.

"And we have eggs, too." Phineas said. "And fruit, and hot chocolate, and a choice of orange juice or milk."

"Milk." Perry said.

"I call dibs on the last cup of juice, then." Phineas said.

Ferb glared at him.

"Fine, we'll split it."

Ferb set food down on the table. Then the three of them started eating.

* * *

"I'm full." Perry said.

It was six AM. Phineas, Ferb, and Perry were lying on the floor.

"I really shouldn't have eaten that fifth pancake." Phineas said.

"Or that melon." Perry added.

"No. Don't remind me."

"Melon." Said Ferb.

Phineas groaned.  
"Melon melon melon."  
"How come you only talk when I don't want you to?" Phineas whimpered.

"Stomach in pain." Perry said. "But that was awesome."

Phineas smiled. "It was, wasn't it?"

"Best breakfast ever."

"I'm glad you liked it." Phineas said.

Candace came downstairs, gabbing on her phone. "So anyway, Jeremy was all like, ohmigosh and I said…" She stared at the breakfast remains on the table. "You were COOKING?"

"Yep. Perry and Ferb and I had breakfast."

Ferb burped.

Candace ran upstairs. "MOOOMMM! PHINEAS AND FERB MADE BREAKFAST AND USED THE STOVE AND ALSO FED SOME WAFFLES TO THEIR STUPID PLATYPUS!"

* * *

Doofenshmirtz was trying out his latest inator, the Clean-up-the-kitchen-inator. He aimed it at a random location and fired.

* * *

A beam of light hit the Flynn-Fletcher kitchen. In an instant, it was spotless.

"All right, Candace. What is it?"  
Candace dragged Linda downstairs. "See, mom? See?"  
"Oh, you cleaned up the kitchen? Boys, I am so proud of you!"

Phineas looked around, then back at Ferb.

Ferb shrugged.

"Cool." Said Phineas.

"I think that deserves some extra allowance." Linda said. "Close your mouth, Candace."

* * *

"You're making fudge!" Perry squeezed in between Monogram and Carl to peer inside the pot on the stove.

Monogram smiled at him. "Don't worry, everyone will get some. You don't have to hover."

"Can I stir? Please? I love how gloppy it is."

"Everyone will get a piece."

Perry glared at him and pointed at the spatula he was stirring with.

"Use your words."

"I TRIED." Perry chattered.

"Sir, maybe he wants to stir the fudge." Carl said. "He's pointing at the spatula. And now he's making circular motions with his fists."

"I'LL analyze animal behavior, Carl."

"Sorry, sir."

"Agent P, are you wanting to lick the spatula?"

Perry nodded. He hadn't thought of that. Maybe after he licked the spatula, he could stir.

"See, Carl?" Monogram said. "I understand him perfectly." He handed Perry the spatula, covered in melted fudge.

Perry took it and started to lick it.

"I'll go get the marshmallows for the hot cocoa." Monogram said. He left the agency's kitchen.

Perry chewed on the spatula a little. It was rubbery. When it was finally licked clean, he stuck it in the fudge pot and stirred.

Carl gave him an odd look. "Um… maybe you should have… washed that first."

Perry continued stirring.

Monogram returned with a bag of marshmallows. "Thank you for stirring, Agent P. It's nice to have help." He turned his attention to the hot chocolate pan.

Perry beamed at him.

Marvin the monkey hopped into the kitchen. "Hey, you're stirring?"

"Yeah, want to help?"

"Okay!" Marvin stuck his hands in the fudge and swished it around.

Pinky jumped up onto the counter. "You two are stirring?"

"Yeah!" Marvin said. "Hey, this pot is big enough for my hands, his spatula, and your entire body!"

"I have an idea!" Pinky said. "I can stir with my butt!" He stuck his backside into the pot and started moving his hips.

"Awesome!" Marvin said. "This will be the perfect fudge in no time!"

"Not too hot, is it, Pinky?" Perry asked.

"The heat's only on two. It's warm, not hot. Look, I'm doing the Macarena!"

Carl was staring at them. "Uh, sir? Should we make a new batch of fudge?"

Monogram finally turned away from the cocoa and followed Carl's gaze. "Oh. Goodness. Yes. Would you get started on that?"

"Francis!" Monogram's brother called. "How is it coming?"

"I'll be right there!" Monogram said. He rushed out of the room.

"It needs to be flatter." Pinky said.

Perry turned around and slapped the fudge down with his tail. "That better?"

"Yeah! Hey, you can butt-stir, too!"

"Let's all do it!" Said Marvin.

They all squished together.

"The secret of butt-stirring is to not let anything touch the bottom of the pot. The fudge is warm, but the pot's HOT." Pinky said.

"This is a tight fit." Perry said.

"Come on, guys! Circular motions now!" Pinky said. "One, two, three!"

They started stirring.

"I bet this looks really awkward." Perry said.

"It's fun!" Said Pinky.

"True."

Monogram re-entered the room, followed by Frank. "As you can see, my brother, we're preparing desserts…"

"Do you always stir the fudge that way?" Frank asked, pointing at Perry, Marvin and Pinky.

Monogram shook his head. "No. No. They're… just… doing special training."

"Butt training!" Said Pinky.

"What kind of training?" Frank asked.

"Exercises. Keeps their hips aligned." Monogram said quickly. "That's enough for today, boys."

"But the fudge is not completely stirred yet." Marvin said.

"Come on. You know you're not supposed to do your training in the kitchen." Monogram said.

"Honey, we ain't training." Perry said. "This is serious culinary work being done here."

"Go clean up." Monogram said. He shooed them away from the pot.

"Now I have fudge on me." Perry said.

"That fudge is untouched by human hands." Said Marvin.

"I need a cookie." Perry said. "We should make chocolate chip cookies next."  
"And snickerdoodles!"

"And glazed donuts! You know what, we should just order them. Crash in front of the TV with every sugary food known to man."  
"And animal!"

Perry stuck his tail into the sink and turned the water on. "I hope the fudge didn't dry."

"Fudge doesn't dry, it cools."

"Oh fudge. It's not coming off."

"It isn't?" Marvin asked.

"No, it's coming off. I just wanted to say 'oh fudge'."

"I can't believe Christmas is almost here." Pinky said.

"It's coming too fast, if you ask me." Perry dried his tail off with a dishtowel. "Monogram's been badgering me about coming to the agency on Christmas for the Holiday Party."

"Why do they say 'badgering'?" Marvin asked. "Badgers don't badger people." He left the room.

"Badgers are creepy." Perry shuddered. "You ever see those teeth?"

"Come to the party." Pinky begged. "It'll be lonely without you. Besides, you said so yourself: you're always lonely on Christmas."

"Nah."

"You aren't going to visit your platypups…"

"Baby platypi are called puggles."

"Platypups."

"Puggles."

"Platypups."

"You just like that word because it has 'pups' in it. It's puggle."  
"Whatever. And Phineas and Ferb usually ignore you on Christmas, anyway. I know you hate parties, but just come for a bit."

"They don't ignore me. And they want me home. So I'll be home."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry or anything…"

"You didn't."

"Then why do you look so upset?"  
Perry sighed. "My owners know." He said. "We're just not telling Monogram. They rigged up a translator for me, and we've been talking."

"If Monogram finds out…" Pinky said.

"He won't."

"What if he does?"

"Pinky, just keep it secret, okay? I don't want Monogram taking my family away."

Pinky sighed. "Wow. No wonder you've been so happy these past few days."

Perry smiled a little. "It's good. They're getting to know me. And they finally stopped buying Carlos toys."

"Oh, by the way." Pinky said. "Monogram got one for his daughter yesterday, and she kind of left it in the announcement room, and it sometimes makes random announcements over the loud-"

"Caring and sharing are super-fun!" Said Carlos' voice through the agency's speakers.

"Great." Perry muttered.


	7. Chapter 7

Perry pulled another bit of cookie dough from the tablespoon and arranged it on the cookie sheet.

Christmas music was playing in the background.

"The next song is really strange." Phineas warned. "It's called 'Kissin' By The Mistletoe'."

"I've heard it before." Perry said. "I enjoy singing to it." He put another cookie on the sheet and licked the extra batter from his fingers.

Ferb was putting frosting on the sugar cookies that had been taken from the oven a few minutes before.

"By the way," Perry said. "Aren't you two a little young to be using the oven?"

"Yes, yes we are." Phineas said. He took another sheet of snickerdoodles out of the oven. "But you can do the rest of the oven work, if you want."  
The next song came on. "Kissin' by the mistletoe…"  
"Sparkle, sparkle." Perry sang along. Then he put his hands together and made them kiss. "Muah, muah, muah, and away we go, jingle jangle!"

"Kissin' by the mistletoe, love came to staaaay!" Phineas joined in.

Ferb smiled. He put pink sprinkles on a cookie shaped like a cat.

"And nooooww, it's Christmas every day!"

Ferb clapped his hands.

"Thank you, thank you." Phineas bowed, spilling the bowl of batter he was holding onto the floor. "We'll be here through next week."

"I hope not!" Perry said. "I plan to get all this batter made into cookies by tomorrow, at least!"

"Can I lick the bowl?" Phineas asked.

"When I'm done. It has no raw eggs in it."

"Mmm, raw eggs." Said Ferb.

"Perry, you're getting fur in the cookies."

Perry pulled a blue hair out of one of the cookie lumps. "If you want hairless cookies, YOU put them on the sheet."

"Or you could use a fork to spoon them out instead of your hands."

"Where's the fun in that?"

"I honestly don't know. Guess what? I had the weirdest dream last night. We were like in this messed-up galaxy and Ferb kept telling me to use the force but I couldn't because I was bad at it and you were a popcorn smuggler and you stole all of my popcorn and this thing called the Doof Star was going to destroy all the bad singers in the galaxy."

"Dreams are funny things." Perry said. "They make no sense."

"It didn't make any sense at all." Phineas said. "It was totally random. Like if everyone was on the spot or something. And this thing called a rancor was singing opera."

Ferb shook his head.

"You look cute in your new scarf." Phineas told Perry.

Perry laughed. "Sure."

Phineas started decorating a sugar cookie to make it look like Ferb's head. He stopped to rummage through one of the cupboards for green frosting for Ferb's hair.

Ferb bit the nose off of the cookie and put it back.

"Here we go." Phineas said. He turned back to the cookie. "Ferb, did you eat your nose?"

* * *

"MAY YOUR DAYS BE MERRY AND BRIGHT, AND MAY ALL YOUR CHRISTMASES BE WHIIITTETEEEEE!"

It was Christmas Eve. Phineas, Ferb, and Perry were trying to see who could sing along to "A Sal Tuscany Christmas" the loudest.

Perry had gotten over his fear of Sal Tuscany. He was glad about that. Sal was a good singer, whoever he was.

"Okay, let's really belt this next one." Phineas said.

Ferb nodded.

"That goes for you, too, Ferb." Phineas nudged his brother.

Ferb looked frightened.

The next song started.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open…"

"FIRREE! JACK FROST NIPPIN' AT YOUR NOSE!" Perry and Phineas sang.

"Come on, Ferb!" Phineas said.

Ferb shook his head no.

"AND SO I'M OFFERING THIS SIMPLE PHRASE, TO KIDS FROM ONE TO NINETY-TWO, ALTHOUGH IT'S BEEN SAID, MANY TIMES, MANY WAYS…"

"MEERRRYYY CHRISTMAS! TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOUUUUUUU!" Ferb shouted.

"He wins." Perry said.

Phineas folded his arms. "Darn. How are we supposed to compete with that?"

"We join him! CHEESSSTTTNNUTTTTSS ROASTTTINNGGG…"

Candace banged on the door. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"GOOD LUCK!" Phineas called back. "DON WE NOW OUR GAY APPAREL, FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!"

"FAST AWAY THE OLD YEAR PASSES!" Ferb sang. "I think those are the words…"

"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY GLASSES?" Perry continued.

"BECAUSE I HAVE LOST MY CONTACTS, FA LA LA, LA LA LA, LA LA LAAA!"

"NOW I NEED TO GET SOME NEW ONES, FA LA LA LA LA, LA LA LA LA!" Ferb finished.

"We write good lyrics." Perry said.

"We should get a record deal." Phineas said.

* * *

"Where are you going to put that, Ferb?" Candace asked.

Ferb shrugged, but he patted his marimba fondly.

Perry grinned. He knew Ferb liked it.

"Next present!" Candace pulled out a puffy package. "This one says it's for… Perry. Why do you keep spending money on your stupid platypus? He never does anything."

Phineas took the present from Candace and set it in front of Perry. "You wanna open it, boy?"  
Perry thought for a moment about how to open it without seeming the least bit intelligent.

He grabbed the ribbon with his teeth and tugged it off.

"Aww, that's cute." Linda said.

"I can help you with the rest of it." Phineas said. He tore off the paper and showed the gift to Perry.

"Did you boys make that?" Linda asked. "It's adorable."

Perry looked up at Phineas and smiled. "Thank you. I love it!"

Phineas smiled and put the blanket around Perry. "I thought he'd like one. It's made out of his old baby blankets he doesn't use anymore, and the quilt from my closet he liked so much."

"Like a platypus would be sentimental." Candace scoffed.

"You never know." Phineas said. He gave Perry a hug.

"Best Christmas ever." Perry purred.

"I was just thinking the same thing." Phineas whispered to him.


End file.
